A new chapter in my life had finally commenced while another had terminated to an abrupt end.
Gratefully, God answered my prayers and tears from this past year of transitions, and had given me a chance to live again through new work and meeting new colleagues.
It was not easy carrying personal emotional stress from sources of: the breakup I had with my boyfriend, moving back home with no friends and with my parent's disheaval with my slowness and cautious-ness in searching for a job. I diligently placed myself alone for a year and hoped each time my mother drove me to an interview that I would finally free her of financial burden. Each time, I ended up with the lowest confidence and in tears because of her impatience with me finding a job and having her drive me. I felt like the most useless daughter. Everybody else was in medical school or getting their Ph.Ds and giving their parents a lot of money, but me? A graduate with a liberal arts degree, seemingly to others with science degrees-- I was the most idiotic of the bunch, who was clinging on to the support of parents to live.
Now, I am lucky to be working in an industry, where I can constantly learn and interact with others. There is not a day I am not grateful, but there still remains an antagonism between nostalgia and the present-- a kind of age of anxiety, and intermediary phase which would determine whether I have the will to persist and keep trying. However, I find myself quite depressed, if at all for no reason, that all of this may just be a mere dream rather than an awakening to a new beginning.
I have this test to take for work, but I have been terribly anxious to even take the practice tests. Why? Fear of failure, fear of appearing too incompetent. Reading the material for things is never enough, I realize that taking action and doing it is the most productive and efficient way to learning.
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